Sound and clarity today.

It has been a year and a half since my first surgery and I am beyond thrilled with where I am today. By no means is my hearing a perfect 10 or considered "normal", but to me I am able to see a huge improvement today from where we started.

After my first implant was activated I began noticing I was able to hear several different things that I had not heard before. A bird chirping is a high pitch which is outside of what I have the capability of hearing. A fire alarm is something else that is up there in the high pitches. Since my activation the list of things that I have heard for the first time  has grown. The list includes several things I never imagined being able to hear! Birds chirping, fire alarms going off, the microwave beeping, the alarm on the house, and being able to hold a conversation in the car are just to name a few.

While I've heard many new sounds I do have a top three things of my absolute favorite things that I'm able to hear now.  The waves crashing on the beach was the first thing I wanted to hear. Yes I've been to the beach prior to surgery and "heard" the waves, but the clarity and the crispness of the sound itself is truly indescribable. My second favorite thing I've heard a whisper. Growing up I hated playing telephone because I could never hear what the person next to me was trying to tell me. I can remember several times when people would come up to me to tell me a secret and I would end up frustrated because a whisper was not something I was able to hear. Right after my first activation my family and I took a trip to Oklahoma to see extended family. We went to visit my grandfather and the very first thing when I went to hug him he whispered in my ear. Now funny thing was it was the wrong ear at first so I switched over so my implanted ear was to him. But I will never forget being able to hear him very clearly whisper into my ear. Third of my top three things would be being able to hear a heartbeat. Most people can put their ear to someone's chest and hear their heart beating. When I wore hearing aids that was never a possibility. Putting my ear against anything would cause the hearing aid to whistle or give off feedback. Now with my implant I can hear without the feedback and it is so clear. On top of that just recently I've discovered I can hear with a regular stethoscope! This is huge for me. Going through high school in the clinical rotation program I was never able to participate like everyone else. I has accepted the fact that a stethoscope was never going to be my friend. I would have to use an automatic blood pressure cuff instead of being able to learn the manual way. I had wonderful teachers that worked with me and helped me in anyway they could. When I advanced to nationals in a home health aide competition my teachers were able to get me access to an amplified stethoscope which helped but wasn't very easy to use. After high school when I wanted to go into nursing, one thing I was afraid about was having to use a stethoscope on a daily basis. Recently I've decided I want to go back down the nursing path. While I'll be taking it slowly and working my way up from CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant), I still will one day become a nurse. It might have taken me a while to figure this out but I know this is where my heart is. I begin a CNA course soon and one of my fears was having to work with a stethoscope again. In preparation for this course I revisited my clinical teachers from high school. I wanted to try and figure out if I was going to need to invest in an amplified stethoscope. But sitting down with one of my teachers I tried a regular one first and was able to hear clearly. We were both so very excited! 

I am continuously amazed by the things I am able to hear. It truly is the little things that have made able the difference. Not only specific sounds but in general the sound quality is incredible to me. I've gained back a lot of my confidence. I no longer dread going new places and meeting new people. For the most part I'm able to hold a conversation with almost anyone.

I've truly been blessed to be able to receive both of these implants. It's exciting to be able to hear new things and understand things better. While my hearing is not perfect it is continuously improving and for that I'm very grateful. I will never have perfect hearing but I will always cherish what I do have and the advantages of have now. Thank you for all of the support I have had and continue to have from everyone around me. I couldn't do it without my parents, family and friends.

My grandfather and I

My World is No Longer Quiet

I absolutely LOVE my Esteem. This has been the best decision I've made by far. The last time we tested my hearing a couple weeks ago we were mainly testing for speech understanding. Before surgery, in my Esteem ear I was at 44% understanding, 68% understanding a month after activation, and now 3 months post activation I am hearing with 76% understanding!! This is incredible! God is so good! I cannot describe the difference this implant has made. While I am having a lot of success, it is not perfect. Don't get me wrong I'm hearing things haven't heard and things I wouldn't normally hear but I am not at 100% perfect hearing. Sometimes people think just because I have had surgery that my hearing is "fixed". I've had severe to profound loss since the age of 2 and a half. My hearing will never be perfect. But I will definitely say it has improved a whole lot! I want to list some things I've been able to hear just to share some of my excitement. My kids at work when they talk to me, before it was really hard to understand what kids were saying to me, now I can understand most of what they say and don't have to ask them to repeat as often. This is huge considering I want to be a teacher and will need to be able to have a conversation with kids on a daily basis. One of the things that has been great for me is being able to wake up to an alarm. Before surgery, I couldn't use an alarm with sound because for me to hear it, it had to be turn up extremely loud and woke everyone else up. So mostly I had to rely on a vibrating alarm clock to wake me up, but now I can set a normal alarm on my phone and set it to a song from my iPod and be able to wake up no problem. This is a huge relief especially since I live on my own now. I don't have to rely on someone to make sure I'm up in case I didn't hear or feel my alarm. Another thing that is pretty exciting for me is being able to hear a train from about 2 miles away while I'm sitting in my bedroom. I've been woken up at night hearing the train horn go through town. Before surgery when I was staying in the dorms we were about half a mile from the tracks and not once did I hear the train at night. Something that has been weird to me is the sound of brush my hair or simply hearing myself swallow. Things most people don't think about because you're used to these sounds, I'm having to be come accustomed to hearing little things like that. The first sounds that freaked me out was hearing the water hit my head in the shower. Never in my life have I been able to hear while showering and the fact that I can hear the water hit my head was extremely weird. I'm getting used to the little sounds now. sounds such as the dishwasher or the mechanic down the street sawing something. I find myself asking people what noises are because even though I may have heard it before I'm hearing things with more clarity now. Another thing that is huge for me is being outside on a windy day. With a hearing aid, the microphone is on top and with the wind blowing basically all I could hear was the wind. It sounded like someone was blowing in my ear. It was next to impossible for me to have a conversation outside on a windy day because I couldn't understand anything that was being said. Know I still hear the wind but I hear conversation as well. It's nice being able to take my kids to the playground and not have to worry about whether or not I'll be able to understand everything going on. 

Thats just to list a few things! I could go on about little things I've been able to hear but I don't have time to write a novel! 😜 I am absolutely beyond blessed to have been given this opportunity and everyday I am thankful for the chance to be able to hear better. Thank you guys for all your support and prayers. They are truly appreciated! 

My Miracle

I have said for a while now I would sit down and start a blog so people could keep up with my miracle journey with me. Well now I have found time to do just this. I apologize in advance for not being very good at this since writing is definitely not my strong point. Also I know it is extremely long so sorry!

First and foremost as many of you may know, I am hearing impaired. The first thing people tend to think when they hear this is "oh I'm so sorry". Please don't be, it's part of who I am and always will be.

It all began at the age of two and a half. I came down with the chicken pox and a very severe case at that. I had an incredibly high fever and from pictures I looked absolutely miserable. Shortly after I recovered, my parents began to notice I wasn't responding to them like I had in the past. I wasn't simply hearing them call my name. When my mom would talk to me my response would be "Mommy I can't hear you." This is when my parents knew something was wrong. My mom took me to have my hearing checked and to try and figure out what was going on. Long story short, through a mothers instincts she knew something wasn't right and it took her a year and a half to convince doctors I really couldn't hear.

Finally, Dr. Rubenstein, my ENT at the time, fit me with a pair of hearing aids. Yes, I have worn hearing aids since the age of four. Over the years I taught myself how to read lips. How? I couldn't tell you. Just having to learn how to function I was able to obtain the skill. To this very day I still rely on lip reading and probably always will.

I think having hearing aids at a young age helped because kids are more forgiving and don't see anything wrong with you just because you are a little different. It helped me accept the fact that I had to wear them and not become incredibly embarrassed. As I got older I became more comfortable with wearing hearing aids. At one point I had hot pink and purple swirled ear molds because if I had to have them why not have super cool looking ones! In 2000 I became a patient of Dr. Michele Gillentine. She has been a fantastic audiologist and has always helped me with the top of the line products.

Now I'm not saying growing up with a hearing impairment was a breeze by any means, but I will say I am incredibly blessed to have been surrounded by a supportive family and incredibly supportive parents. I know I could've been a lot worse off if it wasn't for them. I was made fun of for not being able to hear. I was frustrated because I couldn't hear. I hated the fact that I couldn't hear. Heck I even wished I didn't have to go through this. But today, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Going through middle school and high school I had some awesome teachers and staff that were willing to work with me and figure out the best way to help me succeed. Without that I would've become frustrated beyond belief. I also was blessed with top the line hearing aids so that I could be given the best possible chance at becoming who I am today. I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to have all the equipment that would help me succeed.

But around senior year of high school, I was a very social person. I was always wanting to go out and be around friends and have a good time. However, little things began to frustrate me more than in the past. Things such as being in a group of friends and not catching a simple joke. I began getting upset at the fact that I wasn't understanding things and it was beyond discouraged.

I have always been a pretty positive person and not let much get me down. I have had my fair share of frustrations over the years as I have struggled through the process of trying to hear, but all of a sudden now it was getting to me more than usual. I began to withdraw more and not want to be around large groups of friends. I didn't want to put myself in situations where I would have the chance of getting frustrated and then  end up not wanting to be there. Sadly, I shut out a lot of my friends.

It really hit hard at Christmas when we were playing a game as a whole family. I hadn't heard all of the rules and messed up on my turn which led to people telling me I wasn't playing fairly. I couldn't take it anymore. I was disheartened. I ran out of the house in tears because I had never felt like I couldn't simply be around my family. I didn't want to be with a group of any sort. I love my family and I grew up arounds lots of family, but at this very moment it was too frustrating for me.

This started the talk of maybe my hearing aids aren't good enough anymore. Maybe I need something more. Honestly the thought of that scared me. The thought of what would come next? What could be better than this? The only thing I knew about was a cochlear implant and while I believe they are amazing and do great things, I  wanted nothing to do with this. I thought to myself that there's not way it's that bad yet. Or maybe I can just make it better. I wanted nothing to do with a cochlear implant. I felt I would be more embarrassed by that than simply having hearing aids.

A few days after this I remember walking into my parents room and my mom wanted to talk to me. She mentioned the word implant and I completely freaked out. I made sure she knew I would not go through with getting a cochlear implant. She then corrected me and told me it was a different implant that she wanted me to simply look into. She wasn't asking for a commitment or anything just wanted me to look and see what I thought. I agreed and went on with my day. I still didn't want anything to do with an implant, but something in the back of my mind kept bugging me just to go look it up.

I went on Envoy Medical's website and just began looking at different things. The first thought that came to my mind was WOW! Trying not to get my hopes up and read more and more and watched several videos. I was absolutely amazed by this device that was called the Esteem. I remember telling my parents that I was definitely interested in this and my first question was "when can we do this?" We began to gather more information and get together all of the paperwork that was needed to send in. This implant was fairly new and the company had to approve a candidate before they could move further into the surgery process.

Once we sent in all the necessary documents, we started a waiting game. It seemed like forever to hear back but when we finally heard back the answer was yes, I was a candidate. We were all filled with excitement, overwhelmed at this huge blessing, but also scared with what lay ahead. I know for me, my biggest fear was WHAT IF this doesn't work. The worst fear of all. I knew going any further it was all going to be a leap of faith. Little did I know beginning this road was also going to be a long and emotional journey. But I knew if it was in God's plan he would walk me down this path.

Once I had been approved, our next step was to figure out who my doctor was. At first the company threw out the name Dr. Michael Murray. In doing some research, we learned he was one of the best surgeons out there. He was also one of the most experienced. We wanted to meet Dr. Murray and ask him some questions. He would make the final decision on whether or not I was a candidate. While I had been "approved" before, I was also outside the normal range in which people were implanted. So talking to this doctor would be a huge deciding factor in what we did next. So we set an appointment. When that day arrived I was more anxious that I had thought was ever possible. The appointment was at 6:45am in Houston. Honestly I was surprised I even slept the night before. This was the final decision. To allow him to look at my ears and hearing test to see what he thought.

I know my parents and I were all nervous, anxious, and excited to finally meet the doctor but we were also scared knowing he could still say no. Dr. Murray came in, he looked at my chart and looked at my ears. Naturally my dad started asking a ton of questions. Questions about the implant, the surgery and so forth. My mom threw the occasional question in there being experienced working with hearing aids. I sat in silence trying to take it all in. I had one question. Without wanting to interrupt, I waited. Finally my mom could tell I wanted to ask something. With the doctor listening is asked, "So am I a candidate?" That's really the only thing I wanted to know right then. Knowing he could still say know I was scared waiting to hear what he had to say. His response was this: "I believe you are the perfect candidate. You are young and even though your hearing is out of our normal range for implants, I believe you will succeed."

HOLY COW! Did I hear correctly?! I am a perfect candidate. Tears filled my eyes and a huge smile came across my face. A weight was lifted off my shoulders knowing that he thought this would work. I know we had more questions after that but everyone forgot all about those for the moment. Meeting with Dr. Murray out us all at ease with some of the fears we had.

The next step was to set a surgery date. We were surprised to learn there was an opening on May 28, 2012. THREE MONTHS AWAY. This was really going to happen. As time got closer I became more excited. I wasn't really nervous up until a few weeks before. I got really anxious and excited, nervous and scared all at the same time.

Everything was planned, payed for, and the final details were being worked out. A week before unfortunately I came down with walking pneumonia. The first thing we did was call the doctors office since we were within two weeks of surgery. The thing we dreaded most was to learn surgery had to be rescheduled. I was devastated.

The new surgery date was set for July 24, 2012. The last week of June rolls around and we get a phone call. Knowing surgery was coming up, we weren't sure what to expect. Unfortunately the company was going through some changes and my doctor wanted to postpone surgery. They were doing some more research to try and make the device work better and have a higher success rate. We were told to contact the doctor around December or January to go from there.

This is not what I wanted to hear at all. Once again I was devastated. Like any other human being I began to question surgery as a whole. Was this meant to happen? Why is this happening? Should I just stop trying? Why would I get this close to surgery twice only for it to get rescheduled? If you can't tell I was defeated. Beyond frustrated.

However I didn't give up. A few weeks later I came down with chicken pox for a second time. This is very rare. Once you have chicken pox once you carry the virus, but typically it shows up as an adult as shingles. It took several days and many doctors visits to figure out that's what I really had. I had no symptoms just random itchy spots. I had my doctor confused. But once the chicken pox blistered it was very apparent what they were. Luckily this time I had a very mild case and wasn't sick. Once I finished my antibiotics, we decided to run a blood test. Come to find out, I had no immunity to the chicken pox virus. That's right. ZERO. Again my doctor was confused. I went and got a series of vaccines in hopes of building up that immunity. I am explaining this because having my surgery rescheduled in June left me upset and discouraged, but it was really a blessing in disguise. We would've had to reschedule anyways  due to me getting sick once again.

Well December rolls around and we talk to the doctor. He was still trying to figure some things out so he tells us to call him back in January. Come January we were able to once again schedule a surgery date. May 9, 2013. This time, yes I was excited but tried really hard to not get my hopes too high. I knew there was a chance it could once again have to be rescheduled.

Three weeks before surgery I was beginning to prepare for finals. I woke up one morning with a fever. The first thing I did was call my dad in tears. Knowing all too well we'd have to contact the doctors office and most likely reschedule surgery. It was just my luck I would get sick once again. Well long story short I went the my doctor immediately and got on high doses of medicine to kick whatever was trying to take me down. I wasn't going to give up. Dr. Murray said as long as I was better by surgery date we would be good to go. As the days got closer I became more and more anxious. But also extremely nervous. I was still excited but it was hitting me that this time it was going to actually happen. I sate down and Skyped with a friend of mine, Jill McCalister I had met through a Facebook group for this implant. I talked to her for a long time and she was able to help reassure me that it would be okay. She answered all of the questions and concerns I had I preparation for surgery.

The trip out to California was incredibly exciting. I was still in shock that I was actually going to get to have this surgery. We got to enjoy the day in San Francisco the day before surgery and just enjoy the city.

On the morning of surgery I woke up extremely terrified. I had never had any surgery of any kind prior to this so I didn't know what to expect. All of my emotions hit me at that point. I was a mess from that point on. Nervous, scared, anxious, and yet still excited. Before we left the hotel we said a prayer as a family. Praying over the day and everyone who was involved.

We had been told surgery would last anywhere from 4-9 hours. Yes that is a huge chunk of time. Fortunately my doctor has a lot of experience and it only took three hours. I was in recovery for three and a half hours where we learned I was allergic to dilaudid. Recovery was rough considering I woke up in a lot of pain. Once I was able to eat something I took the Vicodin that was prescribed and that helped tremendously.

The next few days were a blur as I had a lot of pain meds in me. I was able to get up long enough to go out and celebrate for my moms birthday. The following day we flew home. That day was tough considering I could barely keep my eyes open and hadn't been out of bed in more than 3 days. Once home I slowly weaned myself off the pain meds and was gradually able to get back into the swing of things. 

For two months following surgery I was completely deaf in my right ear, the ear I had surgery on. This gave my head a chance to begin to heal. This period was tough only being able to hear from one ear. I relied a lot on lip reading and counting on people to not get frustrated with me.

On July 9, 2013, my parents and I had flown back to California for activation. At activation Dr. Murray looked at my ear and was very pleased with the way it was healing. He had also never seen someone go through activation so it was exciting that he got to see mine. I knew going into activation it was simply turning the device on and making sure it worked. I wouldn't get any volume or programs that day. I didn't care though. It was overwhelming being able to hear out of my own ear. I couldn't hear much but I was still amazed. I was no longer having to hear out of a microphone but rather a more natural sound through my ear.

Being in California, the first thing I wanted to hear was the ocean. Now people have asked, " You've never heard the waves before?" Yes I have, but the way things sound through my hearing aids is different. Imagine someone holding a microphone and talking into that. That's what I heard before. Now imagine a person mimicking the sound a wave crashing makes into a microphone. You get the same idea of how it sounds but it's not the same. Even with my implant on the lowest volume and me barely being able to hear with it the sound of the waves crashing was overwhelming. It was crisp and absolutely beautiful. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking about how awesome it was to hear this.

At the beach in Santa Cruz right after activation.

Once we got home. I had an appointment with audiologist to have my device programmed. It was a long process and I'll spare the details of everything that happened, but to say the least it was overwhelming. As with anything new you have to break it in. Even hearing aids or in this case my implant. This means I lived with headaches for several weeks due to the fact that I was hear a lot of different things in new ways. I was having to retrain my brain to understand what little noises were.

There's little things that I haven't heard before that I can now such as the fire alarm. Yes that is an obnoxious sound but I love the fact that I can hear it for myself. I love the fact that I can hear at night and that noises wake me up. I love the fact that I can hear in the shower and be able to know when someone needs me. I love that I can swim and not feel embarrassed that I'm not going to hear what's going on. But, the best sound yet.. I love the fact that I was able to hear my grandfather whisper in my ear and tell me that he loves me. I couldn't hear whispers before. Aside from my parents I believe he was one of my biggest cheerleaders and was really hoping everything went well. To see the smile on his face after I was able to hear his whisper brought tears to my eyes and still does.

I know this has been an very long and trying journey for not only me, but my parents and family as well. I know I have so many supporters and people that have been praying for me and that still are. I cannot even begin to express how appreciative I am of every single one of you. I could not have made it this far without all of you. There have been so many ups and downs and I have to say each one of you having faith and walking alongside of me has truly been a blessing. That being said I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for my amazing parents. They have been by my side through everything. The ups, the downs, the happy times, and the sad times. They are the reason I was able to have this surgery and I will never be able to repay them. I am truly blessed. I thank God for giving me an amazing support system and great family and friends to surround me.

This has been a long journey but it's not over yet. My hope is to get my other ear done and I know when the time is right it will happen. :)